Category Archives: Relationships | Love | Marriage

The blinking curser & a new year

Posted on by

Happy New Year.

Yes, I recognize that it’s January 23. I get it. I’m behind. I am aware that it’s been 2014 for a few weeks now, but I’m still living in the past — frantically trying to keep up and stay on top of things. I really had impractical expectations for my life from mid-December until … well … until today, really. Although life has been lovely, adventurous, and fun in some expected and unexpected ways, I’m finding that I’m just not quite caught up.

My heart, my life, and my brain are still processing 2013 — a lot went down last year. I’m doing that thing (maybe you do it too) when I have so many many many things to say that I rehearse thoughts and sentences over and over again so I can share the experience with you, but then I get all overwhelmed. I end up saying nothing. I keep it to myself because so much time has passed that the story has lost its luster. Besides…something, someone, someplace has already happened. There’s already a new story to share.

I’ve been staring at the screen of this neglected blog for months; watching an achingly depressing analogy unfold before my eyes. I was too busy, life was moving too fast, and other things were just too important for me to sit down and write.

There was so much to tell but I didn’t have time/take the time to feed words to the blinking curser flashing back at me. Too much to do. I didn’t leave space for me to write the words so I could actually live in the joy of the adventure He was allowing me to experience.

Much of my life — my relationships, my passions, my rest — took a backseat to my job these past few months. As much as I love my job there’s more to me than “Courtney, Cru staff.” And you may say, “Court, I know that!!” And thanks. Thanks for knowing that. I really do appreciate it. But honestly, I lost a bit of myself there for a bit. It was touch and go there for awhile.

I need me to know that there is more to me than this gig on staff. Yes, much of who I am is laboring with this ministry of college students. They are some of the most creative, passionate, real, and courageous people I know — these men and women show me Jesus and they speak so deeply to my soul. I LOVE that I get to see them every day as part of my job. I’m blessed. Truly. But my ministry — the life God has entrusted me with — is more than just them.

It’s my walk with Jesus, my service to the Savior who saved me and gives purpose to my life. It’s my sweet and brilliant husband. It’s the gifts God has given me to write, and create, and design. It’s relationship with friends who don’t live in my city and have known me for years, and it’s relationship with a friend who’s known me for just a few months and is just beginning to see the real story.

That’s my ministry. That’s His ministry. And I confess that I haven’t been the best steward.

So in the spirit of grace, a desire to pursue holiness out of a deep desire to make Him known to the world, and to share the stories with you, here’s a massive, rambling post about all the things that I may or may not finish talking to you about. 

I’ve planned at least 10 posts in my head — on finishing our support and reporting as full-time senior staff this fall, something we’d dreamed of for years; on moving into a house from our tiny apartment (it’s a great story, I’ll tell you eventually); MC’ing a conference, one of the favorite things I’ve done on staff with Cru; the end of the busiest five months of my life (seriously, never been busier); learning more about my emotions and how I’m discovering more about my temperament and why I cry so easily; my youngest brother graduated from college and is signing up for the Army, so many emotions; Christmas and how our life is changing and flowing and how it just felt different this year and I haven’t put my finger on why yet; the craziness and blessings of TCX and how much I love my job; parties in the new house, so many parties, and I’ve loved every moment; coming back to our staff team, only to leave soon after for a sunny, warm and lovely adventure to Los Angeles to visit some very very dear friends and hang out with 400 Jesus-loving Asian Americans who know they were made to be known and make Him known.

That’s the cliff notes version.

I think I’m ready for it now. 2014 is gonna be a good year.

A note for a bride

Posted on by

10852_630114568786_2862672_n

Erick and I attend a lot of weddings. We love them. I cry at every single one — which leads, of course, to Erick giving me a slight smirk as he slowly removes a kleenex from his pocket and hands it to me. It’s a fun game we play.

It truly is one of the most wonderful days of your life. I remember mine so absolutely clearly. I remember putting on my veil, seeing Erick’s face for the first time, the heaviness of my dress and the emotions that flowed through my body as I walked down the aisle with my dad. I remember the sting of the birdseed as it was pelted at me by the groomsmen — lovingly, of course. I remember the absolute glee on Erick’s face when we hopped in his dad’s 1960 corvette. I remember dancing with Erick as though it was last night, and it was nearly 4 years ago.

This is the thing, though: When people tell you that your wedding day is the best day of your life, what it sort of sounds like they’re saying is that it’s all downhill after the wedding is over. The serious business starts when the dancing stops. That’s true, in some ways. Marriage is serious business, and there’s a lot to marriage that you can’t see the day you’re wearing white. Your wedding day will, of course, be an extraordinary day. But on that day, you cannot imagine the beautiful, life-altering, soul-shaping things ahead of you. This is just the beginning.

For those of you who are single and still waiting for the right guy, for those of you dating the one who you think will be your man, for those of you counting down each day to the day you can say “I do” — I’ve been there. I understand the longing, the waiting, the excitement. I know you believe that on your wedding day, you will not possibly love your man more. I understand that. I felt that. I was wrong. This is just the beginning.

I’m not an expert or anything, and certainly not on marriage, but I can tell you that what you feel on your wedding day is like taking one step into the woods, and with every passing year, you venture farther and farther into the brush, pushing past branches, climbing over boulders, jumping over fallen trees, unable — at a certain point — to experience anything except pine-scented air held in place by a forest that you never want to leave. This is just the beginning.

You will cry together, laugh together, pray and dream and move furniture together. You will learn and unlearn things, make a home, hurt each other’s feelings without meaning to, and sometimes very much on purpose. You will learn over time that the heart of marriage is forgiveness. You will learn in the first 3 months how much forgiveness he requires, and then you will realize, in the 3 months after that, just how much forgiveness you yourself need.

Don’t worry too much about all the advice that other people are giving you, mine, of course, included. Part of being a married couple means that you create a new identity together, “a new normal” is what Erick’s likes to say. Your “normal” is woven from your experiences and histories and lives, and while the whole world is full of opinions, work hard to become your own family, with your own values and traditions, things you always do, things you never do, things that bring you back to why you fell in love in the first place. Carve out time together. There will be seasons that are as dry as deserts, and the history of your love for one another will be the water you need to bring new life and growth.

You, my dear friend, will be a bride for one day, but you will, with God’s grace and very hard work, be a wife to this man every day for the rest of your life. Being a bride is super fun, but it pales in comparison to the thrill and beauty of being a part of life’s truly great partnership — a partnership God created so that we could experience just a small taste of the deep affection He has for us.

Marriage is a never-ending growth process. No other challenge, activity, task, or relationship has required more of myself — my wants, my desires, my time, my energy — than my marriage to Erick. I’ve learned more about what the Lord desires me to be, and the grace I so desperately need to be this woman.

Marriage shows you a realistic, unflattering picture of who you are, and then forces you to pay attention to it. I wish someone would have told me this before I got married. But grace abides my friends. For the wives and brides around me — this is my advice to you. The wedding day — this is just the beginning.

1. Marriage is made up of two good forgivers. Because every marriage is made up of two sinners. (Romans 3:23)

2. At some point, you will have to learn that life isn’t all about you. (Philippians 2:3)

3. Don’t listen to women that tell you that passion fades…it doesn’t have to! (see all of Song of Solomon)

4. He wants a kind wife, not a maid or another mother. Be nice. (Galatians 5:22-23)

5. Give your husband the gift of your respect. He needs it more than you know. (Ephesians 5:33)

6. Be mindful of your expectations.

7. Honor the Lord above all things. Colossians 3: 17

8. Find your worth and security in the Lord, and don’t look to your husband to meet all of your needs.

9. Be very careful about reading romance novels, (or watching romantic movies for that matter), they set you up for an unrealistic view of romance.

10. Love is about relationship. The more I love my husband, and seek a relationship with him, the less critical and duty-bound I become. It is similar to my relationship with God.

11. Be thankful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.

12. Don’t compare! Don’t buy into the game of comparing him with anyone else’s husband.

13. Your marriage is a testimony! “Marriage, if done right, could change the world.” – Kathy Keller, wife of pastor Tim Keller.

14. Pray for your marriage. Pray often. Pray hard.

15. Where there is God, there is always hope. Even for the most broken marriages. “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

484839_10100104770048631_290037718_n

Dating…it’s complicated.

Posted on by

Facebook relationships

At TCX — our annual Cru winter conference that takes place right after Christmas — we had the privilege of presenting a seminar. Specifically, we were asked to lead the session on Dating and Relationships.

To be perfectly honest with you, while we were super honored and excited to be asked to lead a session, we felt a little hesitant saying yes because we weren’t the biggest fans of Dating seminars. (yikes, totally just wrote that…)

Let me explain.

Seminars with themes around dating, relationships, marriage, etc. are always really popular at conferences. This is obviously why we have one at TCX each year — students have expressed a desire to learn about how to date well, and that’s a good thing. But so often, Erick and I have felt that people miss out on the breadth of information they could get from a session on Discipleship, Forgiveness, Evangelism, World Vision, insert whatever cooler spiritual topic you can think of here, because people choose to attend the ever-so-alluring relationship conversation. (This is a super jaded perspective to have, by the way.)

And to take it a step further, I (Courtney) have never personally attended a dating seminar and walked away with great vision on how to take-on the dating world well. I’d either leave seminars with a bitter heart toward whoever I was dating because I compared my current relationship to the presenter’s relationship — never a good thing to do — or, I’d leave feeling ashamed because I screwed up my relationships in the past and now had more questions than when I first came into the room. Neither of these are good outcomes. (but just to note here, these outcomes were my own fault.)

As Erick and I continued to talk about saying “yes” to lead the seminar, and begin to process why we felt the way we did about these sessions, we realized that our opinion on dating seminars were formed because of the sin we had in our own life and the unrealistic expectations we created. We were so totally jaded toward dating seminars and we needed to change our attitude. Praise the Lord for the creative ways He works to mold and develop our character.

The Lord changed our minds. Dating seminars are healthy, necessary, and fun. Dating needs to be discussed in safe environments by people who love the Lord and desire for others to see Him in everything — especially dating life. The world paints such a false picture on what dating is supposed to look like. If we don’t talk about it in Christian environments, someone is going to do the talking for us. Talking candidly about how the Lord desires dating and relationships to be is a really big deal.

I have to say that this was a really really hard seminar to prepare (we really didn’t want to screw up in front of 500 students), and it was a great challenge for us. We finished writing the content of our session 30 minutes before we presented it. It was honest, it was a joy to share, and we left the room feeling the presence of the Lord and thanked Him for the privilege of being a voice for Him.

We gave two sessions of our seminar to the students at TCX, with approximately 250 students at each one.

Here is our group in session 1:

IMG_1832

And here is my cooler panorama shot of our group in session 2:

IMG_1834

Thank you to the students who attended the session — you guys were a true joy and you made us feel loved and cared for through your gracious thanks and appreciation told to us in person and over Twitter :).

Also, thank you to the groups of students who waited patiently to ask your follow-up questions at the end of each session. Know that we’ve been praying for you and your relationships/future relationships.

Your desire to learn more about who God is, and the plan He has for you, help motivate us to do what we do each day. The Lord continually reminds us of His grace in our life through the privilege it is to spend time with, and learn from, you.

If you didn’t get a chance to attend our seminar — you can listen to it here: